BrainTap has been added to our services
Relax, Reboot and Revitalize with BrainTap
Denise and I are always looking for ways we can Level Up our lives. When we find out new things, we always want to pass them on to as many people as we can. We are doing that with BrainTap.
BrainTap is a headset that goes over your ears and eyes and uses different lights and sound to activate the healing waves in your brain. You can get more of the science behind it here.
We know first hand how beneficial therapy is. With BrainTap, we are super sizing therapy. Because it helps to get your left and right brain to communicate, it can help create new pathways in your brain which means new behaviors.
Let me tell you my experience in the first week. I have been working on getting some extra weight off. While I’ve had success focusing on nutrition. I hit a plateau I couldn’t seem to bust. Since learning about BrainTap, I’ve done the program for Weight Wellness every day. It’s a different program with guided visualizations and affirmations each day. Since starting, I’ve broken my plateau and I’m back to losing again. So far 4 lbs in 1 week.
In addition to the weight coming off, I’m feeling more refreshed with more energy, concentration, and productivity through out my day. Owning and running your own business(es) can be exhausting and rewarding. The renewal I’ve felt in the last week has been refreshing.
We want everyone to try this. Your first session will be free. After that, I’ll tell you about packages and Denise can customize with you which programs to start.
Stay well friends. You are important.
Autism is like red hair
Autism is like red hair
No joke. Autism happens in about 1.85% of people. Guess how many people are born with red hair? Yep, one to two percent.
I’m bringing this up because I feel like we need to work on the acceptance of people with autism and what makes them uniquely fabulous, like we do with redheads.
Help me take out the negative stigmas that come with autism. It’s not just kids, either. Kids with Autism become adults with Autism. What I’ve learned is that what doctors usually say a kid grows out of is often them “masking” or learning to conform within society constraints without really understanding context.
My son Darrin has autism. He also has Tourette’s syndrome.
This is something that WE are more or less used to. His expression of autism is not just he’s socially awkward or misses social queues. Darrin is almost always in a constant brain spin on fourteen different things. He expresses it by using his hands to represent the “voices” or scripts going on in his head. He is always talking-very seldom does he stop talking. It’s mostly to himself with the scripts of the programs he watches and he will be very LOUD not realizing how loud he is. With all of this, he is 18 and looks like a young man. He is almost 6ft tall and over 200lbs-but he thinks he is still a child around 6-8. He will probably remain about 8 years old developmentally for the rest of his life. He is our man child. We love him dearly.
Something else about Darrin, he has no ego, he is always in the moment, he is very keen on people’s suffering, and he is unaware of others who might be disparaging to him-THANK GOD. I’m going to tell you a story.
Yesterday when Darrin came home from school,
we talked about going to get him cards to write back to all his friends who sent him letters through the mail. So, we hop in “CHEETAH” (our orange Jeep) and I give him the list. “We’re going to the bank, to UPS, and then to Target to get your cards.” The ride to the bank Darrin played the script in his head about all the “Higglytown Heroes” which is a children’s show that talks about different jobs. So, when we get to the bank, Darrin asked the bank teller if she was going to mail the letters. Of course, he towers over both the teller and I and he speaks like a child. She looked at him confused but then I said, “she’s a bank teller. She helps people put money in the bank and take money out of the bank”. He seemed to understand better and then carried on a conversation with her about how his friend at school has her same name. We finished our transaction and Darrin waved and said “Bye teller!”. From the time we entered the bank until we left, we had so many looks. By the time he said “Bye teller!” you could see a lot of eyes lift in delight. He brings the joy.
Next, we go to UPS. Now, this one was confusing because Darrin knows all about the post office and the process of letters getting to destinations and was trying to ask questions since we weren’t in the post office. The UPS worker was NOT interested in interacting with Darrin at all. So, Darrin blew him a kiss. No ego-aware of person’s suffering-doesn’t take it personal.
Finally, we make it to Target. Darrin has to use the restroom.
We both go in and I beat him out. At the door, I hear him speaking. I don’t worry about it. It’s the script. Another woman approaches the men’s restroom with her kids. She tells her young son-probably 5-“don’t let anyone touch you.” Then, a grown man nearby says, “There’s some weird guy in there talking to himself”. I flare up. I get full mama bear and in a polite but matter of fact voice I say, “He’s not weird. He has autism.” It shut the guy down and he walked away with his head down. Then, the mom and I proceeded to talk about shoes and waiting for spring.
Four minutes later, I call into the bathroom, “Darrin, I’m still out here waiting”. His reply, “I’m still here”. Of course he is. In the moment. No ego.
So, the next time you’re in a public place and someone is talking to themselves in disjointed sentences, or flinging their hands around in a nonsensical manner, yeah – they might be drunk or high. But, they may also have autism. If you’re not in danger, maybe mind your own business. Or, you could be surprised if you engage in a conversation with them and let them bring some joy into your world.
Finally, these are our kids.
They are just as much a part of our community as all the red heads. They have value. They are real and have real emotions just like you and I. Help me love our kids up and in turn lift our community.
Here’s some more info:
Stay well, friends. You are important.
Am I Worthy?
Am I Worthy?
Last week I had 2 friends ask me how I get to the point where I feel worthy. I was like, hold on. I’m going to need more coffee. Two friends! In the same week!
This is such a loaded question. I don’t think I have all the answers. I don’t know that I have any answers. I can only tell you about my experience. I think I need to back this train up a bit.
My journey to worthiness has been long and constant.
There was no epiphany where I woke up one day and thought, “I’m worthy today where yesterday I wasn’t.” Self-worth has been something I’ve strived for and longed for. Now, I have better practice at not monetizing my worth based on others but it’s still PRACTICE.
I think about this quote by Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.” She says a whole lot after that, too that made sense to me. And you can take God how you wish. For me, I am a child of the universe that is infinitely greater than I am and teaches me all the time.
While she doesn’t say anything directly about worthiness or self-worth, I think it still says something to the topic. Some people are able to get that sense of self worth in worshipping God who because they love them they are worthy. For me, I had a hard time accepting that. Not to say that my construct of God isn’t loving but that wasn’t where I got my self-worth.
I grew up in a family with a lot of addiction issues, generational trauma, and abuse. (Don’t worry, I’m good – Lots and lots of work).
Self-worth was not something we ever talked about. In fact, most of the time, I never thought I was good enough to receive the love my parents had to give. I would try like hell to get their attention but when your mom is raised by wolves and your dad has experienced war trauma, there weren’t a lot of examples on how to give and receive love. I had to learn. We all did.
On top of that, we were just trying to figure out how to get by and survive. Showing affection was the last thing on the list. How on earth could we have learned what self-worth was? I was just trying to be self sufficient as to not incur the wrath of a parent who was just trying to survive.
Now that you have some background, hopefully it’s easier to understand why the journey to self-worth for me was not a walk in the park. Here’s where things started to shift for me. In my twenties, I started reading a lot. The books I chose had a lot to do with how to change the way you think to create a better world for yourself and taking responsibility for yourself in everything. Of course when I started implementing the practices in the books, my circle got smaller and smaller. My relationship fell apart. My family dynamic started to change. I’m sure it was because I no longer fit into the boxes others had created for me. (I’m realizing I still do this from time to time). I spent a lot of time alone.
ALONE.
No relationship.
Very few friends.
Alone.
When I spent time in solitude without the distractions of who was doing what with whom or spending money for the next great thing everyone wanted, I got to know myself really well.
I started having opinions on things I had no idea I had opinions on. I ate the food I wanted and none of the food I didn’t. I stopped drinking. Yep. I didn’t like the way it made me feel and so I stopped doing it to fit in. I went on hikes and sat in grass and didn’t care if people looked at me funny. I watched movies, documentaries and seminars I was curious about. I never had to apologize to myself or explain to anyone what I was doing.
I also started habits that I carry with me today.
I say affirmations on a daily. When I first started, I didn’t believe what I was saying. Things like, “I am powerful and there is a knowing within me that is my divine guidance”. Who says that?! I do-to myself daily. Eventually, I started saying affirmations in my head that I had memorized and I did believe them. Now, this took probably a year before I actually started believing it. I realized my words had power so I started changing the way I spoke to more positive and less self-deprecating-still didn’t always believe it, but I did it.
It was in the alone time that I realized, yea, I am a badass.
I can do things I want to do, how I want to do them. AND if anyone is going to be a part of my world, they really have to bring their own bad-assery. My world is good. I am good on my own. I am worthy because I feed and nourish myself with the things that make me feel good and valued.
I acknowledge that spending time completely alone is sacred.
I am so fortunate to have those years where I was a single lady getting to know myself better rather than going on countless dates to get to know others. Alone time looks different now. With the responsibilities of kids, future spouse, future in laws, and running the biz, again, alone time is sacred.
Looking back on it, I would spend that time alone again. The self-awareness led to my self-worth which is priceless.
Stay well, friends. You are important.
Integration and Integrity
Integration and Integrity
One of the reasons I love doing what I do is because my life is integrated and I can live in integrity. Let me explain just a little.
When I was working at a J.O.B., I had my work life and my personal life.
While I had a few friends at work, the majority of my associates had no idea about anything going on in my personal life. I felt very protective of my personal life and that if I disclosed too much, it would affect how my colleagues and maybe even how my manager would see me. It also meant that I put on my “professional voice” and “canned responses” and then took them off when I logged out. Sometimes though, that didn’t always translate and telling someone I’d respond to them within 48 hours wasn’t ideal-ha! The dogs were not happy when I said I’ll let you know within 48 hours.
Now, I have this freedom and clarity that I can be completely open about what is happening in my personal life without worrying.
I’m my own boss. I set the stage for what kind of company and culture I want to have. Being able to speak openly about CBD and also talk about its impact on my family without the constraints of the J.O.B. culture provides room to be in integrity with myself.
At one point in the not so distant past, I was not living in integrity.
To me, that means being honest with myself and others. For me to live in integrity, it meant I had to examine how I actually felt about the relationships I had with others. I had spent so many years trying to fit in so many boxes for people that I had lost what I actually wanted and felt. It left me stretched, unhappy, unfulfilled, and deceptive. Yes, deceptive. Not only was I kidding myself that my life was fulfilling, I would keep details from others to make it seem like it was and like I was happy. Those details add up. Just yesterday, I reminded someone that with emotional fallout, you’re going to pay for it. Whether you pay for it now or later, you still pay for it.
It took the devastating loss of my parents to make me actually look deep and decide what I was willing to accept for my life.
I definitely didn’t transition well. I made some really hard decisions that hurt people. When it came down to it, I could no longer claim living in integrity until I actually followed my heart, listened to my gut, and was honest.
Fast forward two years, I have an integrated life where I’m not hiding in shadows of my self doubt and people pleasing.
This isn’t to say that I don’t work on it daily. Everyday is a chance for me to create the good. That comes easier day by day but I still have to make the effort not to put myself away. To live intentionally with integrity, for me, means I wake up, get still, listen to my gut, and follow my heart. Who you see on Instagram and Facebook is who I am. While I may edit a video to make it more efficient, you would recognize me on the street because I’m happy about the skin I’m in! (and simultaneously always looking for how to improve my health and well being). We’re all works in progress right?
How do you integrate your life? How do you stay the same person at work and at home? Since I’m just starting to figure this out and retrain myself out of old conditioning, I’d really like to know.
Stay well, friends. YOU are important.
Haters Gonna Hate
The feedback I get about my blog has been interesting.
Most folks are super supportive and tell me about what they relate to in the blog. You know what else though? Haters gonna hate. My entire life, I’ve had haters. I think most people do. Here’s what I’ve learned.
Haters are looking at something they don’t like about themselves.
It’s not usually what I’ve said or done. Actually, I try pretty hard to be inclusive, not assume, and only speak for myself. Usually, they get upset about something that they assume, exclude, or make about themselves. That can be uncomfortable. In fact, when I’ve found myself hating on some good fortune of someone else, I pretty quickly shift into, “what is missing in myself or what do I need to examine about myself that I’m having a hard time being happy for them.”
Self-reflection is HHHHHAAAARRRRDDDD.
For me, standing back and trying to see what I could do better and then actually execute it the next time it comes up is really challenging. It’s so easy to swirl down that old dirt road of “they just don’t understand” or “no one is listening to me”. What’s not easy is understanding that they don’t have to understand me, only I do. And, so what if they aren’t listening-why am I wasting my breath instead of doing something productive for me. Showing myself love is also showing the haters love.
As a reformed hater (OK, I admit, sometimes I still swirl down the old dirt road), I am better equipped to brush off the criticism or misunderstanding by just remembering it’s not actually about me. There are so many stories and experiences that we have no idea about when people share. We get a select snippet of a thought and fill in our own gaps for the lifetime of experience within ourselves to draw our own conclusions.
Finally, why do we justify ourselves?
Why do we feel like we have to have qualifiers or explain why something is? I’m going to practice not giving into the urge of over explaining or justifying myself.
How do you respond to haters?
Stay well friends. You are important!
Good Grief and Inspiration
(Original post 2/5/2021)
Last week was the 2 year mark for how long my mom has been gone. I really thought I would be OK this year. Honestly, I am doing great! I love this life I’m living. I am so fortunate and acknowledge how abundant my life is. Why would I be sad?
Grief. It doesn’t end. It’s constant and ebbs and flows.
While I was cuddled up on the couch with my loves surrounding me watching a cheesy show about baby animals, it crept up. I caught it at first not wanting to let it come in. But the more happy baby animals and sappy moments, the harder it was to hold it back. Then, for some reason, watching a mama rhino help her new baby up on its feet opened the flood gates and it washed over me. Like a cool blanket of spring rain, it stung and was still soothing.
I sobbed. Uh oh…I might start crying again right now. See! That’s what it does! You think you’re solid and then BAM! It’s like I’m a Alaskan salmon just killing it getting up stream and then out of nowhere, I hit a dam! My grief, I’m learning, is a consummate teacher.
It teaches me that I’m normal.
I am a normal human with normal emotions that I need to give a normal amount of time (however much time that is) to have my grief cry and get back to my normal life.
It teaches me that I’m powerful.
Even after I am stricken with grief-no really, out of nowhere-I can get back up and continue doing the good work I am doing in this world.
It teaches me to forgive.
Oof, this one…Most of the time, I can let go of something from someone else easily. What the sticker is though is forgiving MYSELF. Forgiving myself for things I said I wish I hadn’t; for things I didn’t say I wish I had; for not coming from love and acting in anger; for knowing I contributed to someone not feeling good, or appreciated, or not seen. There is so much I have to forgive myself for all the time.
It inspires me.
One of my most popular songs, Choose Love (link below) was written in my grief after my 5 week old nephew passed away suddenly. I’ve sung this song so often just for me. A lot of songs have come from missing my parents or someone else who has left this plane. It also inspires me to take time to play, build a snowman, make a snow angel (lots of snow this week), whatever I can do to get outside and get some sunshine. It inspires me to say I love you all the time. It inspires me to say hard things. It inspires me to let go of grudges. Grief constantly inspires.
Maybe this blog will end up being an outline for the book I want to write for all the ways grief has helped me. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
Stay well, friends. You are important.
We Are All Fleeting and Essential
Fleeting or Essential?
My friend Lea Morris said this to me last week. I don’t think I could’ve expressed how this last year has been for me in such a succinct statement! In 2020, I finally left the career I had devoted so much of my time and energy to for over a decade. Honestly, I felt like what I was doing was benefiting those who I did it for but was a detriment to my well-being. I would work 12-16 hours a day and get yelled at for things that were completely out of my control only to be exhausted to the point that I wasn’t giving anything to my family. Meanwhile, I had started a new business (Bradfield Joy) and really wanted to invest my energy in helping others that way.
2020 had a way of showing me that my decisions made epic waves in my own life but otherwise, they were pretty insignificant. This made it so easy for me to choose me and my family. For example, I left my last job without notice. The weeks leading up to me leaving, we had a major storm that left us without power for a week. To make sure I could continue working, I rented a hotel room to use WiFi. Trying not to let too many people know my situation, I was dealing with angry people all day long and having to apologize for not returning calls while I was working out how I was going to work. Meanwhile, my family was trying to figure out how to survive in the power outage during a pandemic without me. I just couldn’t seem to catch up after that. It was awful.
When do I throw in the towel?
So, I made the decision and called my sup and walked away with no notice. While it tore me up since my entire life I’ve worked and found value in the work I did, it was NOT worth the toll it was taking on me or my family. I was “fleeting” and replaceable at work. I was essential at home.
Essential or Fleeting?
Being essential at home and putting my energy into Bradfield Joy has given me more peace and joy than I’ve ever experienced in my life. Today, I had the flexibility to pick up Darrin from school unexpectedly. I also get to cook again! I love cooking! I get to take care of all those phone calls, chores, tasks, etc. that I kept putting off because I didn’t have the energy. I GO to the doctor because I’m not worried about getting yelled at when I get back to work.
Essential for who?
Being essential for myself is a big deal, too. My JOB was actually sucking the life right out of me. I never had the energy to dive into music like I loved or write or so many things. I was putting so much energy into work that overall left me insignificant! Oof. That still hits me. Now that I’ve let go of work that wasn’t serving me and shown up for myself, shown up for my family, the world around me makes so much more sense. I have a clarity on where my energy goes.
Being insignificant and fleeting gave me all the room to be essential in the areas important to me.
I can go on forever on this idea.
Stay well, friends. You are important.
I need a chill pill!
I felt the tightness in my chest this morning. Usually, I get this tightness when I’m avoiding dealing with something in my life, or I haven’t yet discovered the answer for how to deal with it. This morning, I was tired of being yelled at.
Our son Darrin has severe autism and Tourette’s. So, when he’s upset or doesn’t agree with something, he can’t just tell you what’s wrong or roll his eyes like a normal teenager. Often times, it comes out in yelling and saying something from one of his favorite cartoons that is the problem they’re trying to resolve in the episode.
For example, I told him, “Darrin, you have a school zoom meeting. Brush your teeth and put on your clothes, please.”
His response is shouting, “we can’t get across the bridge unless you bring me a dam”.
Since I’m still learning Darrin and how to interact with him, I can’t tune out the yelling and it hits me where I get a tightness. Of course when I talk to Denise she reminds me he yells at her, too. So the next thing for me to do is get to a quiet place, breathe, and get back to stillness. Since I know I can choose to take it personally, or let it roll off, I have to take responsibility for my emotions and well being.
There is that reliable proverb “if you don’t have time to meditate for an hour everyday, meditate for two.”
The other side of that is that I also notice that I had stopped taking CBD daily. We have a 10mg softgel that I usually take so I have a constant level of CBD in my system. Usually, this helps with overall balance. For some reason, I forgot one day and then the next. So, I’m going to start that routine again. For our line of CBD, go HERE
Stay well, friends. You are important.
Can We Talk About Grief?
January is a particularly hard month for me.
Both my parents transitioned in 2019. January 15th is my mom’s birthday and January 16th is my dad’s. January of 2019 was the last time I spoke with my mom. She left this plane 2/5-I think. I say I think because she fell and hit her head. While her body was still “alive”, I knew she had already left that vessel. Anyway, January always seems to bring the grief right to the surface.
Most of the time, it’s the sweet memories that get me choked up. Is it like that for anyone else? Then, it’s the stuff I wish they were able to share with me now. Whenever it happens, I try to be kind to myself. Whether I send a text to friend, get a cry out, or tell my boo I need a hug while I cry, I try to remember that it’s OK, I’ll be OK, and I’m still normal.
I find that being kind to myself and allowing the feelings to come out helps with it not building. It also helps when I’m reminded it’s OK to be sad. I am comforted by the friends who aren’t afraid to talk about my parents and tell me their own stories or remind me of events in mine.
One day, I would like to write a book about all the ways grief actually helped me. Grief was my vessel for remembering the most important things about life. It freed me from faking it. I just didn’t have any energy to be someone/something I wasn’t anymore. Grief is a high filtering process of people-those who remained in my life through all of it became even more precious to me. Those relationships are sacred to me. I want to hear from you. How do you get through your grief? What are your insights about grief?
Stay well, friends. You are important.