(YOU)niverse has my back

good fortune

(YOU)niverse has my back

It was one of those mornings!

I woke up 2 hours earlier than I usually do because I had to leave the house for a doctor’s appointment.  I felt good! Got myself prepared to leave the house and then….

I couldn’t find my insurance card.  I saw it in my head laying on the table. It wasn’t there though. I decided, it’s OK. They’ll be fine to get it later today.

Then, I couldn’t find my keys.  I entered the wrong address into GPS and I drove poorly to my appointment in a rush and everything on my seat ended up on the floor board.

When I finally made it to my appointment, they said I was too late and needed to reschedule. Yep. Expected that. By the time I got back to my car, I knew I needed a reset. Breathe. I turned everything off (except the car/heat-it’s cold here!) and measured my breath to get back to stillness.  Yes. My morning wasn’t anything like I’d planned. Yes. I was late and had to reschedule an appointment that I had waited 3 weeks for.  Yes. I have to redo all the cute deliveries I assembled because of my poor driving. AND I am OK. I am here. I am love. I am whole.  I AM CAPABLE. I am expansive. I am the universe and the universe is me. The universe has my back.

Honestly, it took a few minutes to get myself back to stillness.

It helped though because I had an entire day to conquer.  So, I looked in the rearview mirror to readjust and noticed I lost one of my fancy earrings. Mer. Not today.

I got lost three times while trying to drop off the marketing packets I had made.

I’m learning that when someone says Springfield, sometimes they mean WEST Springfield. Same thing with Longmeadow and East Longmeadow. I almost ran out of gas because I was searching for buildings that didn’t exist on streets in the wrong cities.  I had 10 miles left and found the gas station. I jumped out and started the pump and then briskly jumped back in.  The gas attendant told me he would be happy to keep pumping it for me. There it is. The universe having my back.  

Made it home and decided a further reset was needed.

I took off my fancy pants and climbed into bed for a luxurious 20 minute nap.  The two cats and I slept and they providied a purring weighted blanked. It was just what I needed. Thank you (YOU)niverse. I almost felt guilty about the nap but then reminded myself that I’m super productive and if a 20 minute nap is what I need to go out and be a beast at life for the rest of the day, then I’m going to congratulate myself for taking it instead of berating myself for needing it. I put my fancy pants back on headed out to complete my tasks in time to make dinner. There it is again. (YOU)niverse having my back.

How many times do we put our own needs aside for others when no one needs us more than we need ourselves? Or we look for solutions for our problems outside instead of reflecting on this abundance we have within. 

This is why I started shifting to YOUniverse instead.  I knew that I could get back to good with everything I had inside me.  My own divine knowing and stillness would help me see clear again and bring my own peace. That’s not to say that I don’t need people.  I definitely need human connection.  However, recognizing that I am capable of doing hard things and making decision on my own is empowering.  I can change the way I feel with my breath.

BREATHE 

Although my day started a little rough, I’m still so grateful for all the things that went right in that day.  I have a car that has GPS and heated seats and gets excellent gas mileage.  I am able to do work that is fulfilling and flexible that I can take a 20 minute nap with cats that purr while I sleep. I have fancy pants and fancy earrings that help me get into a confident zone when cold calling businesses.  I was never turned away once I made it to the businesses. Today, EVERYONE was cordial to me when my mood was rough. Bottom-line Universe has my back.

Stay well, friends. YOU are important.

Good Grief and Inspiration

Peace, grief, inspiration

(Original post 2/5/2021)

Last week was the 2 year mark for how long my mom has been gone.  I really thought I would be OK this year. Honestly, I am doing great! I love this life I’m living.  I am so fortunate and acknowledge how abundant my life is. Why would I be sad?

Grief. It doesn’t end. It’s constant and ebbs and flows.

While I was cuddled up on the couch with my loves surrounding me watching a cheesy show about baby animals, it crept up. I caught it at first not wanting to let it come in. But the more happy baby animals and sappy moments, the harder it was to hold it back. Then, for some reason, watching a mama rhino help her new baby up on its feet opened the flood gates and it washed over me.  Like a cool blanket of spring rain, it stung and was still soothing.

I sobbed. Uh oh…I might start crying again right now. See! That’s what it does!  You think you’re solid and then BAM!  It’s like I’m a Alaskan salmon just killing it getting up stream and then out of nowhere, I hit a dam! My grief, I’m learning, is a consummate teacher.

It teaches me that I’m normal.

I am a normal human with normal emotions that I need to give a normal amount of time (however much time that is) to have my grief cry and get back to my normal life.

It teaches me that I’m powerful.

Even after I am stricken with grief-no really, out of nowhere-I can get back up and continue doing the good work I am doing in this world.

It teaches me to forgive.

Oof, this one…Most of the time, I can let go of something from someone else easily. What the sticker is though is forgiving MYSELF. Forgiving myself for things I said I wish I hadn’t; for things I didn’t say I wish I had; for not coming from love and acting in anger; for knowing I contributed to someone not feeling good, or appreciated, or not seen. There is so much I have to forgive myself for all the time.

It inspires me.

One of my most popular songs, Choose Love (link below) was written in my grief after my 5 week old nephew passed away suddenly.  I’ve sung this song so often just for me. A lot of songs have come from missing my parents or someone else who has left this plane. It also inspires me to take time to play, build a snowman, make a snow angel (lots of snow this week), whatever I can do to get outside and get some sunshine. It inspires me to say I love you all the time. It inspires me to say hard things. It inspires me to let go of grudges. Grief constantly inspires.

https://youtu.be/4N0u7XrE4-c

Maybe this blog will end up being an outline for the book I want to write for all the ways grief has helped me. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Stay well, friends. You are important.

We Are All Fleeting and Essential

Fleeting or Essential?

My friend Lea Morris said this to me last week.  I don’t think I could’ve expressed how this last year has been for me in such a succinct statement! In 2020, I finally left the career I had devoted so much of my time and energy to for over a decade.  Honestly, I felt like what I was doing was benefiting those who I did it for but was a detriment to my well-being.  I would work 12-16 hours a day and get yelled at for things that were completely out of my control only to be exhausted to the point that I wasn’t giving anything to my family. Meanwhile, I had started a new business (Bradfield Joy) and really wanted to invest my energy in helping others that way.

2020 had a way of showing me that my decisions made epic waves in my own life but otherwise, they were pretty insignificant.  This made it so easy for me to choose me and my family.  For example, I left my last job without notice. The weeks leading up to me leaving, we had a major storm that left us without power for a week. To make sure I could continue working, I rented a hotel room to use WiFi.  Trying not to let too many people know my situation, I was dealing with angry people all day long and having to apologize for not returning calls while I was working out how I was going to work.  Meanwhile, my family was trying to figure out how to survive in the power outage during a pandemic without me.  I just couldn’t seem to catch up after that. It was awful.

When do I throw in the towel?

So, I made the decision and called my sup and walked away with no notice.  While it tore me up since my entire life I’ve worked and found value in the work I did, it was NOT worth the toll it was taking on me or my family. I was “fleeting” and replaceable at work. I was essential at home.

Essential or Fleeting?

Being essential at home and putting my energy into Bradfield Joy has given me more peace and joy than I’ve ever experienced in my life.  Today, I had the flexibility to pick up Darrin from school unexpectedly.  I also get to cook again! I love cooking! I get to take care of all those phone calls, chores, tasks, etc. that I kept putting off because I didn’t have the energy.  I GO to the doctor because I’m not worried about getting yelled at when I get back to work.

Essential for who?

Being essential for myself is a big deal, too.  My JOB was actually sucking the life right out of me.  I never had the energy to dive into music like I loved or write or so many things.  I was putting so much energy into work that overall left me insignificant! Oof. That still hits me.  Now that I’ve let go of work that wasn’t serving me and  shown up for myself, shown up for my family, the world around me makes so much more sense. I have a clarity on where my energy goes.

Being insignificant and fleeting gave me all the room to be essential in the areas important to me.

I can go on forever on this idea.

Stay well, friends. You are important.

Things I’ve learned while recovering from surgery

Friends, arms around each other, diversity

I had to take a social media break.

It’s good to be back! I’m not at full capacity yet but I’m getting there. I took a break because I had a hysterectomy. Yay! I no longer have a uterus causing me pain!

Here are a few things I learned over the last couple weeks. I am so grateful for friends. I had my surgery and then a week later, Denise had her surgery. Without friends to come and check on us, bring us food, and visit us, we would have a lot harder time. I don’t usually ask for people to help but one thing I learned from Edwene Gaines is that in order to be a good giver, you must also be a good receiver. So, I asked for help and we had people jump in.

I’m grateful for a 17 year old that can drive and was able to help us run some errands and help us with Darrin. Sydney really stepped up the last three weeks. She did it and she was kind and compassionate about it. I am so impressed with how much work Denise has done so the kids are decent human beings.

I learned there’s no reason to push it. Bottom line, I spent the first week completely exhausted and unable to do anything but sleep and eat. I would try to do a simple task, like wash the dishes, and end up in pain and sleeping the rest of the day. Denise brought up that I’m impeding my own healing by trying to push beyond what my body is ready to do. Right now, I’m starting to feel better and want to go and do a bunch but I am learning to pace myself and give my body time to catch up with all the activity. I can’t do everything I did 3 weeks ago-and that’s OK.

The past three weeks have really helped me let go of this idea that I have to be super human all the time. I’m fortunate I have such a supportive partner that reminds me that we are human and nothing is going to crash and burn if we need to take time out to heal and take care of our well-being. I’ve also let go of the pressure I put on myself to engage in social media all the time. While I like connecting with everyone on social media, no one NEEDS me to post or engage. I’ll be getting back to regularly scheduled blog posts on Tuesdays. Denise has been writing a lot of articles lately and I’m excited to get her work out into the world.

Thanks for your patience while I’m recovering.

Stay well, friends. YOU are important.

CBD Rocks. – While in recovery, I have used so much of our CBD. From the tinctures, softgels with curcumin, and the salve to rub on my belly where they went in. I’m incredibly thankful for my CBD. You can find our CBD line here.