Fleeting or Essential?
My friend Lea Morris said this to me last week. I don’t think I could’ve expressed how this last year has been for me in such a succinct statement! In 2020, I finally left the career I had devoted so much of my time and energy to for over a decade. Honestly, I felt like what I was doing was benefiting those who I did it for but was a detriment to my well-being. I would work 12-16 hours a day and get yelled at for things that were completely out of my control only to be exhausted to the point that I wasn’t giving anything to my family. Meanwhile, I had started a new business (Bradfield Joy) and really wanted to invest my energy in helping others that way.
2020 had a way of showing me that my decisions made epic waves in my own life but otherwise, they were pretty insignificant. This made it so easy for me to choose me and my family. For example, I left my last job without notice. The weeks leading up to me leaving, we had a major storm that left us without power for a week. To make sure I could continue working, I rented a hotel room to use WiFi. Trying not to let too many people know my situation, I was dealing with angry people all day long and having to apologize for not returning calls while I was working out how I was going to work. Meanwhile, my family was trying to figure out how to survive in the power outage during a pandemic without me. I just couldn’t seem to catch up after that. It was awful.
When do I throw in the towel?
So, I made the decision and called my sup and walked away with no notice. While it tore me up since my entire life I’ve worked and found value in the work I did, it was NOT worth the toll it was taking on me or my family. I was “fleeting” and replaceable at work. I was essential at home.
Essential or Fleeting?
Being essential at home and putting my energy into Bradfield Joy has given me more peace and joy than I’ve ever experienced in my life. Today, I had the flexibility to pick up Darrin from school unexpectedly. I also get to cook again! I love cooking! I get to take care of all those phone calls, chores, tasks, etc. that I kept putting off because I didn’t have the energy. I GO to the doctor because I’m not worried about getting yelled at when I get back to work.
Essential for who?
Being essential for myself is a big deal, too. My JOB was actually sucking the life right out of me. I never had the energy to dive into music like I loved or write or so many things. I was putting so much energy into work that overall left me insignificant! Oof. That still hits me. Now that I’ve let go of work that wasn’t serving me and shown up for myself, shown up for my family, the world around me makes so much more sense. I have a clarity on where my energy goes.
Being insignificant and fleeting gave me all the room to be essential in the areas important to me.
I can go on forever on this idea.
Stay well, friends. You are important.
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