Integration and Integrity

One of the reasons I love doing what I do is because my life is integrated and I can live in integrity. Let me explain just a little.

When I was working at a J.O.B., I had my work life and my personal life.

While I had a few friends at work, the majority of my associates had no idea about anything going on in my personal life.  I felt very protective of my personal life and that if I disclosed too much, it would affect how my colleagues and maybe even how my manager would see me.  It also meant that I put on my “professional voice” and “canned responses” and then took them off when I logged out. Sometimes though, that didn’t always translate and telling someone I’d respond to them within 48 hours wasn’t ideal-ha! The dogs were not happy when I said I’ll let you know within 48 hours.

Now, I have this freedom and clarity that I can be completely open about what is happening in my personal life without worrying.

I’m my own boss. I set the stage for what kind of company and culture I want to have.  Being able to speak openly about CBD and also talk about its impact on my family without the constraints of the J.O.B. culture provides room to be in integrity with myself.

At one point in the not so distant past, I was not living in integrity.

To me, that means being honest with myself and others.  For me to live in integrity, it meant I had to examine how I actually felt about the relationships I had with others.  I had spent so many years trying to fit in so many boxes for people that I had lost what I actually wanted and felt.  It left me stretched, unhappy, unfulfilled, and deceptive.  Yes, deceptive.  Not only was I kidding myself that my life was fulfilling, I would keep details from others to make it seem like it was and like I was happy. Those details add up.  Just yesterday, I reminded someone that with emotional fallout, you’re going to pay for it. Whether you pay for it now or later, you still pay for it.

It took the devastating loss of my parents to make me actually look deep and decide what I was willing to accept for my life.

I definitely didn’t transition well.  I made some really hard decisions that hurt people. When it came down to it, I could no longer claim living in integrity until I actually followed my heart, listened to my gut, and was honest.

Fast forward two years, I have an integrated life where I’m not hiding in shadows of my self doubt and people pleasing.

This isn’t to say that I don’t work on it daily. Everyday is a chance for me to create the good. That comes easier day by day but I still have to make the effort not to put myself away.  To live intentionally with integrity, for me, means I wake up, get still, listen to my gut, and follow my heart. Who you see on Instagram and Facebook is who I am.  While I may edit a video to make it more efficient, you would recognize me on the street because I’m happy about the skin I’m in! (and simultaneously always looking for how to improve my health and well being).  We’re all works in progress right?

How do you integrate your life? How do you stay the same person at work and at home?  Since I’m just starting to figure this out and retrain myself out of old conditioning, I’d really like to know.

Stay well, friends. YOU are important.