We Are All Fleeting and Essential

Fleeting or Essential?

My friend Lea Morris said this to me last week.  I don’t think I could’ve expressed how this last year has been for me in such a succinct statement! In 2020, I finally left the career I had devoted so much of my time and energy to for over a decade.  Honestly, I felt like what I was doing was benefiting those who I did it for but was a detriment to my well-being.  I would work 12-16 hours a day and get yelled at for things that were completely out of my control only to be exhausted to the point that I wasn’t giving anything to my family. Meanwhile, I had started a new business (Bradfield Joy) and really wanted to invest my energy in helping others that way.

2020 had a way of showing me that my decisions made epic waves in my own life but otherwise, they were pretty insignificant.  This made it so easy for me to choose me and my family.  For example, I left my last job without notice. The weeks leading up to me leaving, we had a major storm that left us without power for a week. To make sure I could continue working, I rented a hotel room to use WiFi.  Trying not to let too many people know my situation, I was dealing with angry people all day long and having to apologize for not returning calls while I was working out how I was going to work.  Meanwhile, my family was trying to figure out how to survive in the power outage during a pandemic without me.  I just couldn’t seem to catch up after that. It was awful.

When do I throw in the towel?

So, I made the decision and called my sup and walked away with no notice.  While it tore me up since my entire life I’ve worked and found value in the work I did, it was NOT worth the toll it was taking on me or my family. I was “fleeting” and replaceable at work. I was essential at home.

Essential or Fleeting?

Being essential at home and putting my energy into Bradfield Joy has given me more peace and joy than I’ve ever experienced in my life.  Today, I had the flexibility to pick up Darrin from school unexpectedly.  I also get to cook again! I love cooking! I get to take care of all those phone calls, chores, tasks, etc. that I kept putting off because I didn’t have the energy.  I GO to the doctor because I’m not worried about getting yelled at when I get back to work.

Essential for who?

Being essential for myself is a big deal, too.  My JOB was actually sucking the life right out of me.  I never had the energy to dive into music like I loved or write or so many things.  I was putting so much energy into work that overall left me insignificant! Oof. That still hits me.  Now that I’ve let go of work that wasn’t serving me and  shown up for myself, shown up for my family, the world around me makes so much more sense. I have a clarity on where my energy goes.

Being insignificant and fleeting gave me all the room to be essential in the areas important to me.

I can go on forever on this idea.

Stay well, friends. You are important.

I need a chill pill!

picture of a white tablet with chill on it

I felt the tightness in my chest this morning. Usually, I get this tightness when I’m avoiding dealing with something in my life, or I haven’t yet discovered the answer for how to deal with it.  This morning, I was tired of being yelled at.

Our son Darrin has severe autism and Tourette’s.  So, when he’s upset or doesn’t agree with something, he can’t just tell you what’s wrong or roll his eyes like a normal teenager. Often times, it comes out in yelling and saying something from one of his favorite cartoons that is the problem they’re trying to resolve in the episode.

For example, I told him, “Darrin, you have a school zoom meeting. Brush your teeth and put on your clothes, please.”

His response is shouting, “we can’t get across the bridge unless you bring me a dam”.

Since I’m still learning Darrin and how to interact with him, I can’t tune out the yelling and it hits me where I get a tightness.  Of course when I talk to Denise she reminds me he yells at her, too. So the next thing for me to do is get to a quiet place, breathe, and get back to stillness. Since I know I can choose to take it personally, or let it roll off, I have to take responsibility for my emotions and well being.

There is that reliable proverb “if you don’t have time to meditate for an hour everyday, meditate for two.”

The other side of that is that I also notice that I had stopped taking CBD daily.  We have a 10mg softgel that I usually take so I have a constant level of CBD in my system.  Usually, this helps with overall balance.  For some reason, I forgot one day and then the next.  So, I’m going to start that routine again.  For our line of CBD, go HERE

Stay well, friends. You are important.

Can We Talk About Grief?

Shawna, mom, dad, dog

January is a particularly hard month for me.

Both my parents transitioned in 2019.  January 15th is my mom’s birthday and January 16th is my dad’s. January of 2019 was the last time I spoke with my mom. She left this plane 2/5-I think.  I say I think because she fell and hit her head.  While her body was still “alive”, I knew she had already left that vessel. Anyway, January always seems to bring the grief right to the surface.

Most of the time, it’s the sweet memories that get me choked up.  Is it like that for anyone else?  Then, it’s the stuff I wish they were able to share with me now.  Whenever it happens, I try to be kind to myself.  Whether I send a text to friend, get a cry out, or tell my boo I need a hug while I cry, I try to remember that it’s OK, I’ll be OK, and I’m still normal.

I find that being kind to myself and allowing the feelings to come out helps with it not building.  It also helps when I’m reminded it’s OK to be sad.  I am comforted by the friends who aren’t afraid to talk about my parents and tell me their own stories or remind me of events in mine.

One day, I would like to write a book about all the ways grief actually helped me.  Grief was my vessel for remembering the most important things about life.  It freed me from faking it. I just didn’t have any energy to be someone/something I wasn’t anymore.  Grief is a high filtering process of people-those who remained in my life through all of it became even more precious to me.  Those relationships are sacred to me.  I want to hear from you.  How do you get through your grief? What are your insights about grief?

Stay well, friends. You are important.

New Year’s Resolutions: Meh, maybe not?

New year, 2022, Sunset

Every year, I do my own year in review.  I look at the goals I’ve made and reflect on what I accomplished, what I avoided, and where I missed the mark.  I’m not too hard on myself, though. Really, I don’t buy into New Year’s resolutions.  I definitely see how some people need the new beginning to START or for inspiration. For me though, and I think like a lot of entrepreneurs, I am constantly setting new goals, coming up with ideas, and redirecting my path.  I work toward reflecting on my world from a perspective that is outside and slightly above.  I ask myself, if I were to see this as a story line and could be objective, what could I gather?  If I can see that I’m going off course from what I set out to do, I ask myself a few things.

  • How do I redirect to get back to my original destination/goal?
  • Is this new course better for me? Should I continue down this path instead?
  • Am I committed to the old course to my own detriment instead of being open to a new and better path?

Then, I sit in silence and wait for clarity. A good solid 10 minutes of silence and stillness helps me refocus my energy and brings a flood of inspiration for the next steps.  What are you methods for goal setting? Do you find New Year’s resolutions effective and helpful? Or, do they set you up for disappointment?  Let me know. Here’s my email address: ShawnaBradfieldjoy@gmail.com

Stay well, friends. You are important.

5 Tips for Managing Holiday Stress

holly, winter, snow , berries

The holidays can be the most wonderful time and the most stressful time of the year.

The pandemic has made that all the more real.  Taking care of yourself first is the only way to ensure that you can take care of everything else.  So before you wrap all your gifts or plan the amazing holiday feast, here are 5 things to help you get back to you.

Take time for yourself.

Even though it seems like we are isolated and alone right now, so much of that time is still not spent on ourselves.  For example, working remotely you may be alone.  That doesn’t mean you’re giving yourself the attention you need.  Whether it’s going for a walk by yourself to get some sunshine or reading a book you’ve wanted to get into, take a few moments each day to just be with yourself.

Turn off the electronics.

So much of our days are spent on our phones, computers, or in front of the TV.  With so much media coming at us all the time, it can be hard to get to quiet spaces in our minds.  Turning off the electronics and coming down from the electricity/media circus helps us relax.

Take a nap.

Sleep is so important for a balanced life.  When we don’t get enough sleep, it can lead to a myriad of other health issues.  It also makes it harder to get through our every day because of things like brain fog.  Our days can be so packed we don’t think we have time for a nap.  Sometimes, that short nap can be the difference between clear thinking and forgetting everything on our lists.

Do a random act of kindness.

When we are isolated from our community, it’s hard to know what specific needs our friends, neighbors, and family have.  Since we aren’t seeing people regularly, those usual check ins aren’t happening.  Does your neighbor need their walkway shoveled or their garbage bins taken to the street? Can you give $10 to the local food bank? Can you send someone a “thinking of you” note or card?  I always feel better when I see how a simple give makes someone’s day.

Go make a snow angel.

For a moment, you go back to the innocence and wonder of being a child. It reminds you what the world is like without stress, worry, and anxiety.  The sensation of cold snow on your skin takes you to snow days, sledding, snowmen, snowballs, and play.  Go ahead.  Go play in the snow.

We care about you.  You are important.

Things I’ve learned while recovering from surgery

Friends, arms around each other, diversity

I had to take a social media break.

It’s good to be back! I’m not at full capacity yet but I’m getting there. I took a break because I had a hysterectomy. Yay! I no longer have a uterus causing me pain!

Here are a few things I learned over the last couple weeks. I am so grateful for friends. I had my surgery and then a week later, Denise had her surgery. Without friends to come and check on us, bring us food, and visit us, we would have a lot harder time. I don’t usually ask for people to help but one thing I learned from Edwene Gaines is that in order to be a good giver, you must also be a good receiver. So, I asked for help and we had people jump in.

I’m grateful for a 17 year old that can drive and was able to help us run some errands and help us with Darrin. Sydney really stepped up the last three weeks. She did it and she was kind and compassionate about it. I am so impressed with how much work Denise has done so the kids are decent human beings.

I learned there’s no reason to push it. Bottom line, I spent the first week completely exhausted and unable to do anything but sleep and eat. I would try to do a simple task, like wash the dishes, and end up in pain and sleeping the rest of the day. Denise brought up that I’m impeding my own healing by trying to push beyond what my body is ready to do. Right now, I’m starting to feel better and want to go and do a bunch but I am learning to pace myself and give my body time to catch up with all the activity. I can’t do everything I did 3 weeks ago-and that’s OK.

The past three weeks have really helped me let go of this idea that I have to be super human all the time. I’m fortunate I have such a supportive partner that reminds me that we are human and nothing is going to crash and burn if we need to take time out to heal and take care of our well-being. I’ve also let go of the pressure I put on myself to engage in social media all the time. While I like connecting with everyone on social media, no one NEEDS me to post or engage. I’ll be getting back to regularly scheduled blog posts on Tuesdays. Denise has been writing a lot of articles lately and I’m excited to get her work out into the world.

Thanks for your patience while I’m recovering.

Stay well, friends. YOU are important.

CBD Rocks. – While in recovery, I have used so much of our CBD. From the tinctures, softgels with curcumin, and the salve to rub on my belly where they went in. I’m incredibly thankful for my CBD. You can find our CBD line here.