BrainTap has been added to our services

Brain Tap

Relax, Reboot and Revitalize with BrainTap

Denise and I are always looking for ways we can Level Up our lives.  When we find out new things, we always want to pass them on to as many people as we can.  We are doing that with BrainTap.

BrainTap is a headset that goes over your ears and eyes and uses different lights and sound to activate the healing waves in your brain.  You can get more of the science behind it here.

We know first hand how beneficial therapy is.  With BrainTap, we are super sizing therapy.  Because it helps to get your left and right brain to communicate, it can help create new pathways in your brain which means new behaviors.

Let me tell you my experience in the first week.  I have been working on getting some extra weight off. While I’ve had success focusing on nutrition. I hit a plateau I couldn’t seem to bust.  Since learning about BrainTap, I’ve done the program for Weight Wellness every day.  It’s a different program with guided visualizations and affirmations each day.  Since starting, I’ve broken my plateau and I’m back to losing again. So far 4 lbs in 1 week.

In addition to the weight coming off, I’m feeling more refreshed with more energy, concentration, and productivity through out my day.  Owning and running your own business(es) can be exhausting and rewarding. The renewal I’ve felt in the last week has been refreshing.

We want everyone to try this. Your first session will be free. After that, I’ll tell you about packages and Denise can customize with you which programs to start.

Stay well friends. You are important.

Rewards and Consequences: Part 2

Consequences ahead road sign
Consequences

There are times where the kiddos are not acting out with a full-on temper tantrum, but they are doing behaviors that we do not like. This is when consequences are awesome tools to use. Think of consequences as removal of stimulation. When we punish the behavior with a consequence then that behavior will decrease. This again is an amazingly simple concept that we complicate.  We can have consequences like time outs, taking away of tv time, going to bed early, taking away phone, taking away screen time etc. Even when the kiddo says “I don’t care that you took away my television time tonight I am going to read instead so there” yeah-do not fall for this. They care! They just don’t want to show you it bothers them so they will instead lash out and tell you how wrong you are for taking something away by showing you or telling you it will not work.

They are crafty little buggers.

If you threaten to take something away, you better hold yourself accountable and take whatever it was away. This helps provide security and trust between you and your child. They will understand that when you, the parent, say something, you mean it. If you hear yourself repeatedly saying the same things to your child/children, then it is you that needs to change something, not the kids.

Example 1:

One of my daughter’s chores in our house is to empty the dishwasher when I ask. When the dishwasher is ready, I will call her downstairs and say, “could you please empty the dishwasher by 6 pm”. She of course would say what I wanted to hear “yes mom” but then she would not follow through with what I asked her. The me that was raised by my parents would have said yelling, “get down here now and do the dishwasher” and then as she was walking towards the dishwasher, I would say things like, “how many times do I have to ask you, it’s not that hard if you just did it the first time I wouldn’t have to yell,” etc. you get the picture. But the Denise version 2.0 just says “if you don’t empty the dishwasher by 6 then the cell phone is mine. It’s literally that easy. There is no yelling in my house. It is not allowed.

Example 2:

I had a client who was married for over 25 years and she would get so angry over one of her husband’s behaviors. After several times telling me her frustration with this behavior I asked if she wanted to change it. She looked at me with a very puzzled look on her face, “He has been doing this for ever how I am going to get him to change?” That was the moment I strategically placed my consequence plan in place. Her husband’s behavior that she was frustrated with was that he would eat at the island and not push his stool back in. yep, it might sound frivolous to some, but this droves her crazy. What is the plan: I told her that every time from now until next week he does not put his stool back in that she was to say nothing and when he left the room, she would take away that stool?.  Again, she looked at me like I was nuts. She said well there are two other stools and I said, “Guess what you are going to do if he uses the 2 other stools and doesn’t push them in? Yep, you are going to take those away as well.” I believe that she put them out on their porch for safe keeping. So, after the 3rd day when he was going to sit down for lunch there were no stools. He looked at her confused and said, “where are the stools” she calmly and politely said “Since you won’t push them in like I ask I guess you don’t have them anymore” after some short discussion he said, “oh that’s all it will take to get my seat back you want me to push them in?”

Ever since that day, which has now been years, he has pushed his stool in. This person’s husband literally had no idea how much it bothered her even though she begged and pleaded, yelled, got into arguments about the stool throughout the years he never heard her until she “acted” and took something away.

Stay well, friends. You are important.

Parenting Part 1

Family and their dog, parenting

Denise here. I do this all day long so I’m going to start posting here to pass it on.

Are you struggling with your child’s behavior? Maybe they are anxious and struggling themselves with the different feelings associated with anxiety. Or, maybe they are feeding off the household tension that they feel on a subconscious level.  It doesn’t matter what the underlying cause of their behaviors is, it’s still just behavior.

How to successfully treat any behavior

I know.  There are so many ways out there that you are probably inundated with a whole bunch of information that you either heard, read, or googled. The method that I teach is simplistic but requires consistency which can be a challenge. It does not matter why the behavior is occurring (diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, anxiety, Autism, deaf, depression, Reactive Attachment Disorder, problems with sensory processing, or any other diagnosis you can throw out there). If I can successfully manage my 17 year old man child who has been diagnosed with sever autism, then trust me, you can manage your child’s behavior as well. I do not just tell you what I think might work. It works!

Step 1- STOP feeding into the behavior.

That means stop asking why they are feeling the way they are or asking how you feel when __________ behavior occurs. Or any of the millions of excuses we find to feed into the behavior. If you want behavior to continue then go ahead and give it all the energy you want.  If you do not want the behavior to continue, then we stop giving it energy.

Step 2 Stop talking.

Yep, we as parents say way too much to our kids.  We believe that the kiddos can understand what we are trying to communicate.    It does not matter whether or not they understand what we are asking of them.  The fact is that it does not have any influence over their behavior.  Behavior is just behavior and the way behavior is changed is through this 5 step system.

Step 3 Do not take it personally.

I am not here to criticize your parenting ability in fact I am here to be in your corner and support you and tell you how much you ROCK at parenting. I myself am not a superstar parent- just ask the other twin, my daughter, who is also 17 and acts just like her MOTHER.  Whatever happens when you start doing this, don’t take their response personal. Their response is not about you. It’s theirs. So, let that ish go and keep doing it.

Next post I’ll go into more so stay tuned.

As Shawna says, stay well friends, you are important.

Am I Worthy?

Mirror Work

Am I Worthy?

Last week I had 2 friends ask me how I get to the point where I feel worthy.  I was like, hold on. I’m going to need more coffee. Two friends! In the same week!

This is such a loaded question. I don’t think I have all the answers. I don’t know that I have any answers. I can only tell you about my experience.  I think I need to back this train up a bit.

My journey to worthiness has been long and constant.

There was no epiphany where I woke up one day and thought, “I’m worthy today where yesterday I wasn’t.”  Self-worth has been something I’ve strived for and longed for.   Now, I have better practice at not monetizing my worth based on others but it’s still PRACTICE. 

I think about this quote by Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.” She says a whole lot after that, too that made sense to me.  And you can take God how you wish. For me, I am a child of the universe that is infinitely greater than I am and teaches me all the time.

While she doesn’t say anything directly about worthiness or self-worth, I think it still says something to the topic. Some people are able to get that sense of self worth in worshipping God who because they love them they are worthy.  For me, I had a hard time accepting that. Not to say that my construct of God isn’t loving but that wasn’t where I got my self-worth.

I grew up in a family with a lot of addiction issues, generational trauma, and abuse.  (Don’t worry, I’m good – Lots and lots of work).

Self-worth was not something we ever talked about. In fact, most of the time, I never thought I was good enough to receive the love my parents had to give.  I would try like hell to get their attention but when your mom is raised by wolves and your dad has experienced war trauma, there weren’t a lot of examples on how to give and receive love.  I had to learn. We all did.

On top of that, we were just trying to figure out how to get by and survive. Showing affection was the last thing on the list.  How on earth could we have learned what self-worth was? I was just trying to be self sufficient as to not incur the wrath of a parent who was just trying to survive.

Now that you have some background, hopefully it’s easier to understand why the journey to self-worth for me was not a walk in the park.  Here’s where things started to shift for me.   In my twenties, I started reading a lot. The books I chose had a lot to do with how to change the way you think to create a better world for yourself and taking responsibility for yourself in everything.  Of course when I started implementing the practices in the books, my circle got smaller and smaller. My relationship fell apart. My family dynamic started to change.  I’m sure it was because I no longer fit into the boxes others had created for me. (I’m realizing I still do this from time to time).  I spent a lot of time alone.

ALONE.
No relationship.
Very few friends.
Alone.

When I spent time in solitude without the distractions of who was doing what with whom or spending money for the next great thing everyone wanted, I got to know myself really well.

I started having opinions on things I had no idea I had opinions on. I ate the food I wanted and none of the food I didn’t. I stopped drinking. Yep. I didn’t like the way it made me feel and so I stopped doing it to fit in.  I went on hikes and sat in grass and didn’t care if people looked at me funny. I watched movies, documentaries and seminars I was curious about. I never had to apologize to myself or explain to anyone what I was doing.

I also started habits that I carry with me today.

I say affirmations on a daily. When I first started, I didn’t believe what I was saying. Things like, “I am powerful and there is a knowing within me that is my divine guidance”. Who says that?! I do-to myself daily. Eventually, I started saying affirmations in my head that I had memorized and I did believe them.  Now, this took probably a year before I actually started believing it. I realized my words had power so I started changing the way I spoke to more positive and less self-deprecating-still didn’t always believe it, but I did it.

It was in the alone time that I realized, yea, I am a badass.

I can do things I want to do, how I want to do them. AND if anyone is going to be a part of my world, they really have to bring their own bad-assery. My world is good. I am good on my own. I am worthy because I feed and nourish myself with the things that make me feel good and valued.

I acknowledge that spending time completely alone is sacred.

I am so fortunate to have those years where I was a single lady getting to know myself better rather than going on countless dates to get to know others.  Alone time looks different now.  With the responsibilities of kids, future spouse, future in laws, and running the biz, again, alone time is sacred.

Looking back on it, I would spend that time alone again. The self-awareness led to my self-worth which is priceless.

Stay well, friends. You are important.

We Are All Fleeting and Essential

Fleeting or Essential?

My friend Lea Morris said this to me last week.  I don’t think I could’ve expressed how this last year has been for me in such a succinct statement! In 2020, I finally left the career I had devoted so much of my time and energy to for over a decade.  Honestly, I felt like what I was doing was benefiting those who I did it for but was a detriment to my well-being.  I would work 12-16 hours a day and get yelled at for things that were completely out of my control only to be exhausted to the point that I wasn’t giving anything to my family. Meanwhile, I had started a new business (Bradfield Joy) and really wanted to invest my energy in helping others that way.

2020 had a way of showing me that my decisions made epic waves in my own life but otherwise, they were pretty insignificant.  This made it so easy for me to choose me and my family.  For example, I left my last job without notice. The weeks leading up to me leaving, we had a major storm that left us without power for a week. To make sure I could continue working, I rented a hotel room to use WiFi.  Trying not to let too many people know my situation, I was dealing with angry people all day long and having to apologize for not returning calls while I was working out how I was going to work.  Meanwhile, my family was trying to figure out how to survive in the power outage during a pandemic without me.  I just couldn’t seem to catch up after that. It was awful.

When do I throw in the towel?

So, I made the decision and called my sup and walked away with no notice.  While it tore me up since my entire life I’ve worked and found value in the work I did, it was NOT worth the toll it was taking on me or my family. I was “fleeting” and replaceable at work. I was essential at home.

Essential or Fleeting?

Being essential at home and putting my energy into Bradfield Joy has given me more peace and joy than I’ve ever experienced in my life.  Today, I had the flexibility to pick up Darrin from school unexpectedly.  I also get to cook again! I love cooking! I get to take care of all those phone calls, chores, tasks, etc. that I kept putting off because I didn’t have the energy.  I GO to the doctor because I’m not worried about getting yelled at when I get back to work.

Essential for who?

Being essential for myself is a big deal, too.  My JOB was actually sucking the life right out of me.  I never had the energy to dive into music like I loved or write or so many things.  I was putting so much energy into work that overall left me insignificant! Oof. That still hits me.  Now that I’ve let go of work that wasn’t serving me and  shown up for myself, shown up for my family, the world around me makes so much more sense. I have a clarity on where my energy goes.

Being insignificant and fleeting gave me all the room to be essential in the areas important to me.

I can go on forever on this idea.

Stay well, friends. You are important.

I need a chill pill!

picture of a white tablet with chill on it

I felt the tightness in my chest this morning. Usually, I get this tightness when I’m avoiding dealing with something in my life, or I haven’t yet discovered the answer for how to deal with it.  This morning, I was tired of being yelled at.

Our son Darrin has severe autism and Tourette’s.  So, when he’s upset or doesn’t agree with something, he can’t just tell you what’s wrong or roll his eyes like a normal teenager. Often times, it comes out in yelling and saying something from one of his favorite cartoons that is the problem they’re trying to resolve in the episode.

For example, I told him, “Darrin, you have a school zoom meeting. Brush your teeth and put on your clothes, please.”

His response is shouting, “we can’t get across the bridge unless you bring me a dam”.

Since I’m still learning Darrin and how to interact with him, I can’t tune out the yelling and it hits me where I get a tightness.  Of course when I talk to Denise she reminds me he yells at her, too. So the next thing for me to do is get to a quiet place, breathe, and get back to stillness. Since I know I can choose to take it personally, or let it roll off, I have to take responsibility for my emotions and well being.

There is that reliable proverb “if you don’t have time to meditate for an hour everyday, meditate for two.”

The other side of that is that I also notice that I had stopped taking CBD daily.  We have a 10mg softgel that I usually take so I have a constant level of CBD in my system.  Usually, this helps with overall balance.  For some reason, I forgot one day and then the next.  So, I’m going to start that routine again.  For our line of CBD, go HERE

Stay well, friends. You are important.

Can We Talk About Grief?

Shawna, mom, dad, dog

January is a particularly hard month for me.

Both my parents transitioned in 2019.  January 15th is my mom’s birthday and January 16th is my dad’s. January of 2019 was the last time I spoke with my mom. She left this plane 2/5-I think.  I say I think because she fell and hit her head.  While her body was still “alive”, I knew she had already left that vessel. Anyway, January always seems to bring the grief right to the surface.

Most of the time, it’s the sweet memories that get me choked up.  Is it like that for anyone else?  Then, it’s the stuff I wish they were able to share with me now.  Whenever it happens, I try to be kind to myself.  Whether I send a text to friend, get a cry out, or tell my boo I need a hug while I cry, I try to remember that it’s OK, I’ll be OK, and I’m still normal.

I find that being kind to myself and allowing the feelings to come out helps with it not building.  It also helps when I’m reminded it’s OK to be sad.  I am comforted by the friends who aren’t afraid to talk about my parents and tell me their own stories or remind me of events in mine.

One day, I would like to write a book about all the ways grief actually helped me.  Grief was my vessel for remembering the most important things about life.  It freed me from faking it. I just didn’t have any energy to be someone/something I wasn’t anymore.  Grief is a high filtering process of people-those who remained in my life through all of it became even more precious to me.  Those relationships are sacred to me.  I want to hear from you.  How do you get through your grief? What are your insights about grief?

Stay well, friends. You are important.

New Year’s Resolutions: Meh, maybe not?

New year, 2022, Sunset

Every year, I do my own year in review.  I look at the goals I’ve made and reflect on what I accomplished, what I avoided, and where I missed the mark.  I’m not too hard on myself, though. Really, I don’t buy into New Year’s resolutions.  I definitely see how some people need the new beginning to START or for inspiration. For me though, and I think like a lot of entrepreneurs, I am constantly setting new goals, coming up with ideas, and redirecting my path.  I work toward reflecting on my world from a perspective that is outside and slightly above.  I ask myself, if I were to see this as a story line and could be objective, what could I gather?  If I can see that I’m going off course from what I set out to do, I ask myself a few things.

  • How do I redirect to get back to my original destination/goal?
  • Is this new course better for me? Should I continue down this path instead?
  • Am I committed to the old course to my own detriment instead of being open to a new and better path?

Then, I sit in silence and wait for clarity. A good solid 10 minutes of silence and stillness helps me refocus my energy and brings a flood of inspiration for the next steps.  What are you methods for goal setting? Do you find New Year’s resolutions effective and helpful? Or, do they set you up for disappointment?  Let me know. Here’s my email address: ShawnaBradfieldjoy@gmail.com

Stay well, friends. You are important.

5 Tips for Managing Holiday Stress

holly, winter, snow , berries

The holidays can be the most wonderful time and the most stressful time of the year.

The pandemic has made that all the more real.  Taking care of yourself first is the only way to ensure that you can take care of everything else.  So before you wrap all your gifts or plan the amazing holiday feast, here are 5 things to help you get back to you.

Take time for yourself.

Even though it seems like we are isolated and alone right now, so much of that time is still not spent on ourselves.  For example, working remotely you may be alone.  That doesn’t mean you’re giving yourself the attention you need.  Whether it’s going for a walk by yourself to get some sunshine or reading a book you’ve wanted to get into, take a few moments each day to just be with yourself.

Turn off the electronics.

So much of our days are spent on our phones, computers, or in front of the TV.  With so much media coming at us all the time, it can be hard to get to quiet spaces in our minds.  Turning off the electronics and coming down from the electricity/media circus helps us relax.

Take a nap.

Sleep is so important for a balanced life.  When we don’t get enough sleep, it can lead to a myriad of other health issues.  It also makes it harder to get through our every day because of things like brain fog.  Our days can be so packed we don’t think we have time for a nap.  Sometimes, that short nap can be the difference between clear thinking and forgetting everything on our lists.

Do a random act of kindness.

When we are isolated from our community, it’s hard to know what specific needs our friends, neighbors, and family have.  Since we aren’t seeing people regularly, those usual check ins aren’t happening.  Does your neighbor need their walkway shoveled or their garbage bins taken to the street? Can you give $10 to the local food bank? Can you send someone a “thinking of you” note or card?  I always feel better when I see how a simple give makes someone’s day.

Go make a snow angel.

For a moment, you go back to the innocence and wonder of being a child. It reminds you what the world is like without stress, worry, and anxiety.  The sensation of cold snow on your skin takes you to snow days, sledding, snowmen, snowballs, and play.  Go ahead.  Go play in the snow.

We care about you.  You are important.

Things I’ve learned while recovering from surgery

Friends, arms around each other, diversity

I had to take a social media break.

It’s good to be back! I’m not at full capacity yet but I’m getting there. I took a break because I had a hysterectomy. Yay! I no longer have a uterus causing me pain!

Here are a few things I learned over the last couple weeks. I am so grateful for friends. I had my surgery and then a week later, Denise had her surgery. Without friends to come and check on us, bring us food, and visit us, we would have a lot harder time. I don’t usually ask for people to help but one thing I learned from Edwene Gaines is that in order to be a good giver, you must also be a good receiver. So, I asked for help and we had people jump in.

I’m grateful for a 17 year old that can drive and was able to help us run some errands and help us with Darrin. Sydney really stepped up the last three weeks. She did it and she was kind and compassionate about it. I am so impressed with how much work Denise has done so the kids are decent human beings.

I learned there’s no reason to push it. Bottom line, I spent the first week completely exhausted and unable to do anything but sleep and eat. I would try to do a simple task, like wash the dishes, and end up in pain and sleeping the rest of the day. Denise brought up that I’m impeding my own healing by trying to push beyond what my body is ready to do. Right now, I’m starting to feel better and want to go and do a bunch but I am learning to pace myself and give my body time to catch up with all the activity. I can’t do everything I did 3 weeks ago-and that’s OK.

The past three weeks have really helped me let go of this idea that I have to be super human all the time. I’m fortunate I have such a supportive partner that reminds me that we are human and nothing is going to crash and burn if we need to take time out to heal and take care of our well-being. I’ve also let go of the pressure I put on myself to engage in social media all the time. While I like connecting with everyone on social media, no one NEEDS me to post or engage. I’ll be getting back to regularly scheduled blog posts on Tuesdays. Denise has been writing a lot of articles lately and I’m excited to get her work out into the world.

Thanks for your patience while I’m recovering.

Stay well, friends. YOU are important.

CBD Rocks. – While in recovery, I have used so much of our CBD. From the tinctures, softgels with curcumin, and the salve to rub on my belly where they went in. I’m incredibly thankful for my CBD. You can find our CBD line here.